Birds Banned in Mumbai

In an unprecedented move, that could have far reaching consequences on the country’s ornithological populace, the Balasaheb Thackarey led Shiv Sena has officially banned birds from entering the country’s financial capital, Mumbai. Shiv Sena spokespersons say it is an unfortunate step, but is required in order to maintain the dignity of statues and busts scattered throughout the city. Earlier, birds would use these statues as resting points, and defecate upon them. Post this ban, statues will finally be able to heave a sigh of relief for not being mistreated in such a manner. Shiv Sena leader Udhav Thackarey says, “Imagine how you would feel if a bird came and shat upon your brand new outfit? Such is the condition of statues in the city many of which are being subjected to such rude treatment within hours of dedication.”

When asked how the ban will be implemented given the communication barriers between humans and their feathered friends, several creative ideas have been put forth by party members –

  1. Installation of a fine wire net over the entire city with entrance/exit points for non-feathered creatures
  2. Satellite monitoring of the city’s precincts, along with James Bond-style satellite mounted laser’s to pinpoint and annihilate offending birds
  3. Worldwide extermination of birds (a bit difficult to implement given that Shiv Sena’s jurisdiction extends only within Dadar)

Sena leaders have promised their cadres to lay these plans before the state government and demand implementation at the earliest.

In related news, noted animal activist Maneka Gandhi has raised her voice firmly against the Sena stand. Joining hands with her are hard line animal rights organisations AHIMSA and PETA. Although details of their plan of action haven’t been revealed yet, spokespersons for both organisations say their plans will take flight soon.